If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
