the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize