I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
