i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
