Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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