I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
