what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
