So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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