I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
