Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
