If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
