totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
