do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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