dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
