He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
