You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
