Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
