Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
