i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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