I can't breathe out the right side of my face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
