my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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