i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
