listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
