She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
