First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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