if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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