Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
