Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
