I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
