She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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