Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
