I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
