First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
