Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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