Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
