he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
