He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
