I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
