FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
