All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
