You really coming over, don't trick.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
