you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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