The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
they need to just BURY HIM!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
