My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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