last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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