I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
