She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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