omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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