I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
