I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
