You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
