My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Green mimosas i think yes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well I just put wine in my tea
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
